Fewer certainties.
More connection.

Selfish: who decides whose needs come first?

We say "selfish" as if we were describing someone. Most of the time, we are deciding whose needs have to give way, and the verdict tends to fall on the people who already give the most. Taking care of your own needs is not selfish. A need becomes legitimate, though, less by how strongly you feel it than by whether you can name it, put it next to the needs of others and discuss it openly.